my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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