in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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