party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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