when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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