Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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