You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
