when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
