my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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