He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
