...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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