you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
