Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
where are you?
Hypothermia
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
