good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
