At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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