omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
