he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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