Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
