life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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