Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
