Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
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