Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
