I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
