He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize