You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
