We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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