I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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