I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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