If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
