I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
