Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
