My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
