Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
