I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
did i walk over a car last night?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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