1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
