On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
