alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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