question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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