The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This girl is more easily done than said...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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