the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
