i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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