Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
