grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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