i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
