I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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