Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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