im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
