I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize