You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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