the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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