I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
