I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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