i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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