is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
