we're chasing vodka with high fives
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
