Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize