i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
