dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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