after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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