Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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