Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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