She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
