Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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