i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize