Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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