All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
