I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
