I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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