I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
