At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
