I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
