You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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