I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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