my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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