This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
