I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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