I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
