i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
