woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize